3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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