what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
