I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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