Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
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