I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
