apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
