i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
