i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
