I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
