she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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