i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
We don't watch enough power rangers
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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