Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
