it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
