Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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