Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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