I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
