you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
