its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
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