You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
