I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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