Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
