I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Randomize
