Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
