Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
