It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
