What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
