Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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