I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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