This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
