please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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