She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
