True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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