I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
