It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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