I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
