You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
