Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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