so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
