i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Im part way to drunk.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
