I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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