He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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