based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
