I cannot find my penis.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
