True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Your dad touched me again.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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