Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
