is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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