I'm lost and stupid without you.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
