my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
