i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I stole a fireplace last night.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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