There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
