I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
This toilet bowl is my home.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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