Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
All the doctor said was why
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
